Bring In 2010 With The Four Man Plan!

Cindy Lu, author of The Four Man Plan

The Four Man Plan has been dubbed the ultimate in romantic science, so we caught up with its author and creator Cindy Lu to discover why this dating technique so successful.

As the name suggests, the basis of the Four Man Plan is to date, but not sleep with several men at the same time with total honesty so that they know that they are one of a number of potential suitors.   You keep track of how you feel about each of them with the help of some visual graphs, until you find the one that you know is right for you.

Cindy Lu came up with the plan after years of dating numerous Mr Wrong’s, and the book is frank, honest and packed full of humour and sound advice.  We spoke to her to find out how it all works and uncover the nuts and bolts of becoming a Four Man Planner!

How does The Four Man Plan change how you think about dating and love?

The Four Man Plan changes your perspective and turns dating into an absolute soul searching pleasure, because it takes the focus away from finding a lifelong partner to deciding what it is you really want.

When you start the Four Man Plan, you’ll find your perspective changes.  Dating isn’t about the hunt for one incredible man, it’s about being the most amazing woman that you are in any situation and falling in love with yourself.

Why is it essential men know they are part of The Four Man Plan?

Letting men know that you’re dating but not sleeping with other men does a number of critical things.  It lets the men know they are competing and if there is one thing men know how to do, it’s compete!

Suddenly, armed with the knowledge that they are one of a number of choices, they become more chivalrous, more interested and more honest about their own situation.

If they aren’t interested, they simply fall away with no drama – but if they are keen, it makes it crucial that at some point they will have to request, rather than assume exclusivity.

These days, in the world of internet dating, it’s almost assumed that all parties are “shopping.”  But serial monogamy, indiscriminate sex and obsessive husband hunting has gotten more and more common, so it’s important to let your men know that you aren’t that kind of girl!

What should you do if you are tempted to fall into bed with one of your dates?

The aim of not sleeping with the men you’re dating is so that you’re more selective about intimate encounters.  But hey, we all get a little horny sometimes!  The Plan is designed to be flexible to meet the needs of all kinds of women. For some, a good roll in the hay is exactly what they need!

But having a limit of how many you can sleep with, having a clear idea of why you are sleeping with them, and knowing what the consequences are helps you set clear boundaries before your knickers come off!

Another important reason is, as The Wait for Sex Index in the book posits: “For the life of a relationship, a man is only as nice to you as he needs to be, in order to get you into bed the first time.”  The other critical factor is The Rule of Chuck.  If it’s a relationship you’re looking for, a good man will lose interest in you if he finds out you are rolling around with a lot of men.

Why do you use pictorial graphs in the Four Man Plan?

The graph is an amazing tool to help you keep your Plan Men organized.  It helps you choose the best man for you by letting you see that you have a choice. It’s not about just latching onto the guy you snogged at the pub last night or going on one date and then starting up an exclusive relationship with a stranger.  The graph becomes a beautiful piece of art that you create in your life, as well as the spreadsheet that helps you keep up with your suitors!

How can the 4M Plan help you explore yourself, your behaviours and patterns?

Dating several men at a time helps you discover your patterns of behaviour because you are the only common denominator.

Most of us gals like to find a flawed man with “potential” so we can identify his issues and then force him to love us enough to change into a better man.  We all know this soooo doesn’t work!  So why not spend that energy on ourselves?

After a couple of weeks of getting into the swing of the Plan women truly discover, “Oh! I do this when a man tries to help me or I do that when I’m feeling insecure.” Men are just mirrors to how we’re feeling about ourselves. The same is true whether you are married or dating.  If we feel good about ourselves and a man tries to make us feel bad, something inside will not line up, it’s not a true image, so we know to step away from that man until we find a match.

In the beginning, women are often “loser magnets” or only seem to attract jerks or tend to fall in love with unavailable men. Often that is because they don’t feel worthy of more. Once they start understanding how fabulous they are and behave that way, the quality of men they get to choose from improves at the same rate as their own self-love.

How can the Plan help you avoid going for the wrong ‘type’ of man all the time?

So many women take pride in the fact that they can tell if a man has “husband potential” in the first 10 minutes.   But by not sizing up every man as a life partner, but simply a companion for the evening, things open up, you are both more relaxed and less critical.

What I find is that most women believe they have a “type” – but after years or even decades of being wrong or unsuccessful about their “type” they just can’t shake it.

It’s great to have the intention that someday you will marry a wonderful man, but it’s important to remember that today, you are single and that can be a heck of a lot of fun too, if you let it!

How do you choose between the four of them?

This is where making sure all the men know you are dating others becomes critical. As Four Man Planners we wait for the man to initiate “The Talk” while giving him all the confidence and information he needs to do so.  What each woman has to ask herself is; “Does three or four dates give me enough information to become attached and exclude other options?”

Generally, Four Man Planners develop favourites within their graphs.  They pin their hopes on one special guy, but you would be surprised how often the favourite is not the one.

I do private and online coaching and one of my gals did the Plan off and on for 55 weeks, dating well over 60 men. In the end, the man that she is now living with and completely in love with languished in her graph for over 6 dates before she started to see him for what he truly was.  He was in her graph while she was sure it was someone else.

Also, if the one you want is not ready to ask you to stop dating others, then keep dating him and the others too. The cream will soon rise to the top and the inevitable comes much more quickly than if you just focused on him.

After all, if he was ready and he knew you were seeing other people, he would have to tell you he wanted you all to himself, which is a magical moment that is not to be missed!

If you are focused on  just dating him and he knows it, what would prompt him to declare his feelings, and how would he even know he had them?

“Assuming” that you are in a relationship is what I believe to be the death of romance and the beginning of a poorly negotiated situation.  So keep dating other men until the one you want sits you down and asks that it’s just the two of you.

You can buy The Four Man Plan from all good book shops for £7.99, or from Amazon for £5.11.  You can also find out more at www.thefourmanplan.com and chat to other Four Man Planners on the forums.

If you  decide to try the Four Man Plan, we’d love to hear from you!  Get in touch by leaving a comment below.